a little less running

It’s been a year since I did something even remotely this cool.

It’s been a year with a lot less miles but a lot more rest (as per an urgent demand from my own body and soul).

I really do miss being miserable halfway through a long run, and more so the satisfaction of upping my mileage each week.

But in a lot of ways pushing through a physical race is a lot easier than mustering up the endurance to take on daily life and its ability to conjure up a terrible combination of emotions.

It took this year to be okay with who I am minus physical accomplishments, minus things like running farther than 4 miles ever, minus the satisfaction that I was pushing myself to work hard enough to be applauded by others and somehow be enough.

Truly, this wasn’t that hard. It’s just that a year ago I thought giving up this part of me I prized so highly would be the death of me.

But it’s been a year of being a person, well.

In so many ways that is much more worth it than a year of running well. So for right now I’m waiting, and excited, because I know I will do something like this again, maybe even double the mileage some day if I’m crazy.

But it will be from a place of strength instead of as a mask for weakness.